Still here, still failing

Can confirm that I can have a run of good luck, then it all falls over and there's no apparent reason why.

Another two weeks

So, as I write this, down 80% overall since the last funding.
If i give myself more credit than is due, I could say that last week was the getting my feet wet stage, where I do everything wrong; and this week was remembering all the little rules that are needed to not blow up as fast as I tend to do.

I think, without much evidence except for a mounting sense of how things appear to be, I've found some patterns that appear to play out over and over again.  The problem I now face is to trust this vague and sometimes confused sense of the market. 

There was one particular trade this week that felt right, looked right and played out as I guessed it would.  Problem is, I didn't let it unfold, i started to second guess and ended up not making anything from it.  Rebound trade on a different instrument was a success - but again, trying to be fair, didn't have any of the components of the set-up I look for.  It was an instinctual and lucky trade.  Which, typically is (was) followed by some market chasing that gave back slightly less than made.

Understanding my own motivations and urges and working with them are one of the keys to getting this thing to 'work'.  Although I've not really defined what it means for this to 'work'.

A year later and still trying to figure this out...

So, another year later.
No guesses as to what happened to the last account.
It's the pattern, and one that I am determined to break.
But I wont be breaking bank accounts to do it.  Rather I've set myself and annual budget for trying this thing.  Had one year with a profit an the next year with a loss.  If I look back and honestly assess what I think happened with the profit year, I'd say I got lucky and jumped ship before I trashed the account again. I have a tendency to do some of the classic "don'ts" when it comes to trading.

• don't trade without a stop - the problem here is obvious, if you don't define and limit the losses then you're effectively saying that a margin stop out is your stop, i.e. your entire balance (depends on wher the broker has their server side stop placed).
• don't trade short-time frame - this comes with a caveat, if you can't sit there and pay attention to what's happening.  I've found that I don't operate fast enough or instinctively enough to trade the shorter frames.  I'm not saying that it can't be done, just that I can't do it.  As a consequence of this self-realisation is that I'm shifting toward daily charts, with a eye on trading hourly signals.  If that makes any sense what so ever.
• don't use market orders - I am starting to appreciate more and more limit orders.  It helps to focus my attention on where I can place a trade, what the stop should be and where I think it will go, my target.
• don't bet the house - trade size is linked directly with account size.  Y mistake is to pretend I am a whale and blow everything out the spout at once.  I might like the idea of making an extra zero or two, but the extra stress involved in 1pip = 5% of account does not work for me.  Position size should be small enough to mean that a stop out doesn't take a big chunk of your account with it.
• don't trade emotionally - revenge trades, angry trades, sad and despairing trades, done them all.  I find they don't work for me most of the time.  Just enough to feed the gambling urge, but not enough to keep the balance +ve.
• don't be in the market all the time - sometimes it's chopping around or simply doing things that don;t make sense.  Maybe it's a news announcement that is coming soon, the bigger, the more jittery things appear.  Sometimes, it's actually sensible and the 'right' thing to do to have no trades on.  Not even a waiting order.
• don't always do something - this is sublty different but equally important to the point above.  Sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing.  Sit on those hands.  Your trade is in, let it do its thing.  Fiddling, adjusting stops, closing early, opening new ones in the same direction.  Just STOP.  

I'm thinking again about writing a trade journal.  It's a good idea, but I need to work on the discipline to get it done.  Do it have blog based one?  Another spreadsheet?  Write onto physical paper?  Undecided.

good day

Due completely to luck, I had a great day trading today.  One account is now only down by 11%, this is after a single trade on that account today netting a cool 15% (based on deposited value, not from current base value of account)  If I were to use the base value of the account the trade was actually worth closer to 20%.

So meh.

Fed annoucement was completely uninspiring.  No change.  Market was completely WTF!  But ASX rallied, and I trailed a stop for a few hours and closed out at nearly the peak for the day.  F*ing sweet!

My bias was toward a rally on all markets across the board.  However, CAC and DAX have both trended downward for the evening.  So glad I didn't attempt to trade my bias and trash my account.  Instead, I had pizza, beer and a couple hours of gaming.

Overall, after a month of the latest attempt, showing a net profit overall.  One account is +12%, and the other -11%.   So as you could guess, the net profit is quite small.

Weekend has arrived, bed is calling. 

I ate too much pizza.

check, check and check

So yesterday the classic event happened.  Traded really heavily.  Paper profits reached as high as 40% of my account. The leverage was ratcheted up as high as I could get it.  I knew I didn't need to do anything more for the day.  My gradual recovery of one account was well underway.  The other account had taken a hit, but with the blessing of over-trading and over-leverage it was looking sweet.

Totally crushed the ASX during the decline.  Banked enough to be over 20% up overall, but more like 30% from the previous day.

Yeah! I rock the account churn like noone else you ever met!  Up 50% down 75% up 20% down 50%!  Fucking hey!

So I am sitting comfortably on a nice 20%, thinking to myself "that's enough for today. I got kids to watch out for.  A missus that suspects something is up.  A pile of stresses from work and relatives."  Every rational and logical thing was pointing me toward taking a break.  You can have one guess about what I actually did.

If you would have said someting along the lines of "Fucked it!"  you would be correct.  Higher risk, lower probability trades, and especially after doing E-Fucking-NOUGH for the day, should  have meant playing with small amounts.  NAH!  Totally threw 8 units of CAC on and off six time in a row. Every single one of those trades make about 3% and each and every time I looked at that number:
First thought:  I shoiuld bank that.
Followed quickly by:
Second thought: I did have a paper profit of 40%, that isn't going to be enough, just a couple ticks more.

Of course what then happens is the trend I was trying to fight would continue and I would find myself at the point of pain and jump out.
It wasn't the set-ups I was seeing that was the problem.  IT wasn't that the moves weren't enough to make bread and butter with, it was my attitude and need for thrill.  The drug fueled maniac wanted another hit.  The home-body family man wanted out.

So Mr Drug-head got himself a big psychological hammer and beat Mr Family a few times till he got big mad enough to throttle Mr Drug-head and take control again.

I think this has the potential to be a big problem for me.
I don't want it to stop.
I know where it does stop on one hand - smashed account.

So I did something a little bit sensible.  Not closing accounts and calling it quits, 'cause that would be quitting.  I lowered my account leverage.

A small step.  Can only carry 4 units of ASX and 3 of CAC.  But it's half of where I was.
If I can just control the need to be in the market every time I look at it.  I'll be a step closer still.

I think Angel should read this.

I find it so hard to speak to someone, but I can write shit to the internet with ease.

Beat myself up

Couldn't wait any longer.  After the last couple days of doldrums, things have looked like they are picking up again.  There have been some noticeable rises in ASX, CAC and DAX.  Rate announcement from the US still hasn't happened.  But I think everyone has had a think and have ideas or are positioned where they want to be.  Having some 'normal' markets again is a nice change.

Still sitting on a 25% loss for one account, +10% for the other.  Will gradually increase that over time.  Strangely enough the calm assurance is still there.  This would mark either week 3 or 4.  I can't remember the beginning for this year. 

Now that I have traded for the firs time, the urge is there.  Gotta have more!  I don't need to do anything else today.  Account looks healthier after my short early Euro session.  Anything more is likely to be a bad idea.

Maybe I'll demo.  Get irritated that "it's not the real thing, i could be making squillions here" then go to live and trash my account and rage quit.

Been there before.

Zzz

A moving market is an interesting market.
I am so bored I could sleep.
Apparently some no-name country with very little international significance is having an interest rate announcement.  Even if they raise rates, it's not as if it will slam any brakes on the figurative car.  It would be more like dropping the revs from 5k down to 4.5k.  You'd notice the change in engine pitch, but there isn't much difference in the effect.

I am surprised with myself.  Have managed to not be glued to the screen this week.  Might be something to do with the ridiculous amount of work that I need to get done.  Or maybe I have spontaneously discovered restraint and self control.. Either way, nothing doing on the markets today.  CAC can go DAX itself